Blog Article Creation Unit

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." - William Shakespeare

Changing Our Reaction To Things

I've experienced a lot of drama lately; water damage in my home, dealing with insurance delays, and at work a project was delayed that really set me off into a tailspin.  I had to take two steps back to remember what I learned in therapy years ago.  We all get caught up in the drama of life but it is our reaction to it that can ultimately save us time, heartache, frustration and so much more. We all have been known to create drama, participate and react to it.  I've given examples in the below post, but these tactics can apply to almost any situation that is happening in your life.

When we continue to react the same way, it depletes our energy, we get angry, sad, fearful and all other kinds of emotions.  It's time to take a look at the way you react and why. Is it helpful? Is it just adding more to your pile under the rug?  Has it become a pattern you live with because you think that there is no other solution?  But there is. There always is.  It just may not be easy and may take a while to own the changes that will be made.  But it's your life and why shouldn't you be for yourself?

Albert Einstein once said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." 

With that said, if your reactions are historically the same; why did he do that, I can't believe she did that, why is this happening to me etc.  It's all outward blame. When in fact if you can shift the attitude to, "OK this happened, now what am I going to do if anything?" Is there a pattern that keeps happening with a friend, family member or romantic partner?  Take two steps back and reflect on the areas where this comes up often for you.

Most often we let our family and close friends get away with murder because we don't want to "upset" anyone so we take on the burden of either not saying anything and having an inside reaction in our lives away from them or we choose to act as if nothing is wrong.  Either way, you can't win. Silent reactions can be the most painful. For instance, someone constantly does something that pushes you and is hurtful yet you just choose to deal with it by looking the other way, or being upset behind closed doors while this person gets to act like a tyrant. Yet inside you are building resentment, frustration, anger, fear and more.  Fear for upsetting someone and then having it turn on you. All of these symptoms are a part of a greater theme.

Remember, everyone is our teacher.  If something continues to occur then it's your job to recognize it and step up and be FOR YOURSELF. It's not about winning or losing, it's about setting healthy boundaries and changing your reaction.  Over time when we don't address a problem it becomes all too consuming and sucks the joy right out of us because we let it.  Any person can act how they wish, but that doesn't mean you have to go along for the ride.  This type of situation is called the "Drama Triangle." Once you see it for what it really is, you can practice handling situations differently.  It's Manipulation 101 and we all play a part in it throughout our lives. 

If not a life threatening emergency, review the below information and see how you can apply the tactics to your life.  These are suggestions, not absolutes.  With anything it takes practice and discernment to find what will work for you personally.

 

Step 1

Don't react: When a situation arises with another whether at work, home, with a friend and they are coming at you with their drama, step back and watch it unfold.  If its worth your time?  Listen to the other person, without needing to solve the problem. Really look at the situation deeply.  You can view as if you are watching it unfold on TV and it makes it all the more interesting because you now have an awareness of what is really going on.  You don't have to agree with someone. By not giving it energy, there is no fuel for the fire.  This is true about gossip as well, this is the birthplace of gossip, arguments and more. By observing, you are saying, I'm not sure about this, so I am going to review the information and just be with it for a bit before I come to any conclusion

Step 2

Evaluate: After they've been heard.  Does this situation even involve you?  Is it about someone else's life?  If it is about you, Is this drama even worth your time? If the answer is no, set a boundary, change the subject and move on.

Step 3

Buying time to cool off: If the situation is calling for immediate action, ask for time. Ask for at least an hour a day a week, before you make a decision or take action. Decisions and actions on the fly can bite us in the ass at times.  Typically, you can take a step back, but we are programmed to think we can't.

Step 4

Really feel into your emotions & logic: What is this person pushing you to feel and heal.  All buttons pushed are old wounds that we carry.  How can you recognize this button and see what you need to look at.  We often don't want to recognize this because we think it will be too painful.  But the truth is, if someone is allowed to push your buttons, then you aren't willing to deal with healing that aspect of yourself.  "I always have to be the good child, so I'll suck it up, I don't want to hurt my mom or dad because they are older and it doesn't go anywhere, I can't tell my friend how I feel because we won't be friends any longer, I can't tell my partner my true feelings." The list goes on and on.  This will keep happening until you are FOR YOURSELF "Team You" and ready to do the work.  No one has to be on board with you but you. That is the key.  Stop seeking others approval, you only need your own.

Step 5

Set healthy boundaries: A boundary is something that can happen anywhere at anytime, even work.  You can tell people how they can contact you instead of walking up to your desk.  You can let them know now isn't a good time to approach me.  In other situations, it's letting a sibling, parent, friend, know that their actions toward you are no longer acceptable.  If they choose to engage with you, here are the terms you set.  There may be compromise but being for yourself is working toward what will work for you and bring you peace without resentment of stuffing it down.

In summary, it takes time to work through these positive life changes that can be very challenging, but in the end you will cut out a lot of BS in your life by being for yourself and not seeking out the approval of others because you can't approve of or decide for yourself. It's one thing to ask for advice, its another to seek approval. One step at a time. Don't let situations or other people steal your joy. it's up to you whether you give it away or not.

We all get stuck in the drama triangle from time to time, but now you will begin to recognize it.  All you needed was the awareness or the reminder. You can Google "Drama Triangle" for more information.  See diagram below for patterns we all get caught up in by Patricia Morgan

 -San Francisco Psychic